I will tell
you right off, the title is not all together true. I just thought it was
a good title. But a lot of humorous things do
happen in church.
Since 1974 church has been a big part of my
life. Not only did I study the bible, sing in
the choir, and ran sound during the services, I
also enjoyed the funny things that happen in
church. And some of it was my own making, if not
just in a physical sense, but also in my mind.
A few years after joining my church our choir
director talked me into joining the choir. I had
played several instruments most of my life, but
singing wasn’t my strong suite, if anything was.
But I could hit the right notes and stay on
pitch but I had never developed my voice as a
singer. I remember back at good old AHS hearing
the chorus practicing and wishing I was in there
with them. I never had the confidence.
If you sang in the choir, you get to see what
the preacher sees all the time. At one period of
time our choir would stay in our seats behind
the preacher thru his sermon and we had the
chance to observe the congregation. Of course
they could observe us also. You get to know who
can’t stay awake and see those who yawns and
yawns. There are those who “fidget” in there
seats and the worst, those who feel they must
have a conversation during the sermon.
When I ran sound from the back of the room, I
had a view of every thing that was going on. Our
pastor used to occasionally do a little thing
when he would notice if some were asleep, and
intentionally lower his voice a for a period of
time and then put a very loud exclamation on one
word. If was fun to see several jump. I guess
those were the ones asleep.
Sometime when the mics were up a bit too high in
volume, there would squeal, that would attract
attention and several people would turn around
and look at me like it was my fault, which it
was. If anyone would mention it to me, I would
just say I was doing my part to keep everyone
awake.
I read a book call “101 Things to Do During a
Dull Sermon”. I can only think of a few of them,
but I’ll mention them here, hoping it will help
during a dull sermon.
1. This on works better from the beginning of
the service. If you have lights or microphones
hanging over the stage, you can imagine they are
lasers and if anyone is standing or walks
directly under them (from your angle of course),
you fire your imaginary laser and take them out.
You can keep score; 100 points for the Pastor,
50 points for Deacons, if you have Deacons, and
only 25 points for choir members since they are
the greatest in number on the stage. And, if you
happen to be positioned in the right place, the
pianist or organist could be in your site and
you can take them out also. In some cases it
wouldn't be a bad thing.
2. Some folks bring toddlers in the service and
sometime they will stand in the seat facing the
people behind them. Usually the child just
stares and smiles. If you are one of the people
behind this child, start making faces at the
child in hopes of making them laugh or cry.
3. This is my favorite. If you are seated on the
back row, start crawling under the pews toward
the front and see how far you get before anyone
notices.
Proverbs
17:22 says: A joyful heart is good medicine.
Somehow I don't think this is what God had in
mind.
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