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A number of years ago, Pearl and I, in a very somber moment, engaged in
one of those conversation s that one has to have in a relationship if it
is to continue in an atmosphere of openness and love, or at the minimum,
of mutual respect.
Pearl was telling me of the latest gossip in our town. She mentioned an
acquaintance, whose wife had died a few months before, and who
apparently had developed a relationship with a lady from a neighboring
town! I, frankly, just filed the story, under “stuff”. Now my “stuff”
can be recalled if needed , or forgotten, as one desires, it is of
little import and generally I forget it. Sometimes to my castigation for
“not really caring” and I suspect that is true.
My wife, took my actions and attitudes personally for a few minutes, Her
words were,’’ six months after I am dead, You will have some ‘floozie’
in my home, You men are all alike”!
I was aware of a growing feeling of sadness for myself and for her.
“Pearl, I love you dearly and I love being married to you! I believe
those are also your feelings. I love being married to you, I love all
the things that marriage means. Being married means I am complete. I
don’t especially mean that I always love you or even that I like you at
that moment. The act of our being married does mean we won’t get out of
it easily, we will talk and it will likely be worked out in a few days
and merely be another memory in time along with other memories."
When I die my wish would be that you mourn as never before, tear your
hair and scream, It may help, It likely will not. Time will, memories
like the time we both peed on the Continental Divide in the Rocky
Mountains, and have laughed about so many times.
The love and the memories will still be there, they will offer solace
and not pain.
My wish for you would be that you find someone who is comfortable to be
with and that you can trust and who is pleasant and kind. Someone who
needs you and who will want to fill your needs.
Whether you live together or sleep together is “stuff” and is icing on
the cake and draws some closer. I don’t care. It’s your body, is it not?
If you go first, that’s likely what I will do, because I love being
married, I am complete. Who I am buried beside , or where my ashes are
spread is inconsequential. You and I will be everywhere in the wind and
the waters and the dirt under our feet and it was life and it was good.
We embraced, and we wept for all of the fools who have not yet realized
that love is limitless, it is never “No More”! |
